Childhood

these past few days, there were numerous instances which forced me to reminisce about my childhood. one of these instances was my classmate bringing a huge photo album containing all class pictures from kinder/prep to the latest one. the other instance is the trip going home from school. all those noisy kids in the back, fighting and yelling at each other on who gets the best seat.

you have no idea on how much i miss those days. when you were a kid, it was just you and the whole world, free to explore the nooks and crannies of every place you go to, getting your heart’s every desire, instant TLC whenever you get into a fight with a bully. you were free from responsibilities. you were free from commitments. you were free to make mistakes and not an ounce of judgement will passed on you. you were just free.

all these realizations are starting to come out maybe because of all the stress piling up. i’m starting to freak out about the sudden descisions i have to make. and to think that these descisions can drastically change everything.

gone were the days when i wanted to grow up. i want everything to just stop. stop so that i can breath. stop so i can reassess the whole situation. stop so that i could think things through. stop and all the things will fall in it’s rightful place. stop and everything will be in perspective.

everybody keeps saying that growing up is innevitable. for some, it might come earlier but there are a few who come to this realization in the latter parts of their lives. maybe i’m one of them. then again, maybe not. hard as it may seem, i just have to grow up and shove these feelings aside.

i have rise above the occassion. 

i have to push myself more.

i have to work for change.

i have to embrace maturity.. 

even if it kills me.